Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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