i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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