Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize