It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
