Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
