Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
