how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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