now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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