I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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