OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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