I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're my little dorito
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
