If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
