I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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