Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
