i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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