Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
