Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
