Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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