we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
