pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We have started to decorate penises.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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