Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
