My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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