using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
