my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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