I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize