My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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