Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
