My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just shotgunned beers for America
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
