I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
