I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it because I queefed?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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