Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
