found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
