I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
