Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
