Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
