Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
