The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
