soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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