Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
