somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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