i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
