What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
