Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
