Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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