Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
