you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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