I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
