i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
