yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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