Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
