he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
