I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
