Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
