Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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