I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Houston, we have a squirter
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
did i just pee glitter
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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