Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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