Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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