If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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