I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
