i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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