i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
