This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
try to milk me bitch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
