I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
did i walk over a car last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
