I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
