Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
