As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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