you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
