my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
