is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
