so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
