god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
