The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
