remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
