Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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