Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
