i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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