I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
