I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
