It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
