someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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