A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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