He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
