a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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