I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
