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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea

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• (714): View more from California

  Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic

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• (386): View more from Florida

  In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.

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